Paralysis jokes
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
What's got 4 legs and is stronger than Superman?
Christopher Reeve's horse.
Sleep paralysis for the first time and this is what I see except it's face and body is way more stringy and hollow.
Stephen Hawking walking, oops, he does not do that anymore.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His left shoulder.
Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.
He’s got himself.
Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?
Because they can run out.
What shoe size is Stephen Hawking?
It doesn't matter—he can't walk anyway.
There may be hope for Stephen Hawking yet.
His nose runs.
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
At least Stephen Hawking could go on a pub crawl.
Why does everyone think Stephen Hawking is drunk?
Because he can't even walk.
When a sign says "Do Not Walk on the Grass," it does not apply to Stephen Hawking.
There's a new horror movie about Stephen Hawking.
It's called "Unplugged!"
Guy 1: What's your favorite vegetable?
Guy 2: Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar.
Oh, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair?
Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...
You are not alone.
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.