Outing jokes

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

Yo mama's so ugly, she looked out the window and was arrested for mooning.

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."

The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"

Why can't orphans go on field trips? Parents' signature: _______

Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.

Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.

You're so ugly, your class searched up Godfrey Baguma and all called out your name!

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."

My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"

What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?

Answer: Putin, put out!

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."

- JFK

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA