Why can't orphans go on field trips? Parents' signature: _______
Outing Jokes
Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.
You're so ugly, your class searched up Godfrey Baguma and all called out your name!
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
Short girl: "How do you see up there?"
Tall guy: "Who said that?"
I spit my drink out and then ran away.
"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
- JFK
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.
Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA
An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I see you, I see you; you would have to work out.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?
I've been raped!
Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?
Because his keys were inside of the ignition.
So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.
