So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
What do you eat out of?
- A bowl.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
Why was the Roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was "Romin" around during war.
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
