A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
A man walks into a bar.......... and he never walks out.
Have you seen the movie constipated?
It hasn’t came out yet.
got kicked out of the hospital cause i told all the Covid-19 patents to stay positive.
What type of place would Papyrus hang out at?
The SPA-ghetti!
*insert ba dum tss here*
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the COVID-19 patients to stay positive.
A man is walking into the woods with a young boy:
Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.”
Man: “How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone.”
I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.
The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"
That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.
I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."
So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.
You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.
Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.
I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
Why did the Mexican man throw his wife out of the window...
Ta kill her.
Shout out to johnny4488 for commenting on my last post!
