Worst Jokes Ever

Jak

A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.

How do you cut the sea in half?

With a sea-saw.

If you humped a whale, it would humpback.

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!

What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!

Why did Annie fall from the swing?

Because she had no hands.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not Annie.

Hurricane Irma, it blows.

Want to hear a joke?

My life. Get it?

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

They have blackboards and whiteboards, but what happened to Mexicanboards?

So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.

Why?

The kid had no legs.

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

What do a bike and a rubber duck have in common? They both have a handlebar, except for the duck.

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Corvette?

I don’t have a Corvette in my garage.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"

A Mexican opens a pharmacy in CA. What’s he selling?

Drugs.

What do you call a washed vegetable?

A disabled kid that needs a towel.