Mommy Mommy jokes clean jokes

Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?

Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?

Shut up and cut the coke.

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"

"Shut up and pass me the mop."

Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?

Shut up and comb your face.

Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?

Mom: Shut up and keep licking.

Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."

Me: "Why did you?"

Mom: "I was very drunk..."

Explains a lot...

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

(Later)

"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"