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MatPat’s final theory leaked!

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The ham is in fact processed

A slab of processed ham with text describing the ham as an "unholy meat obelisk" and its processing as an "abhorrence" while also saying that it is a “declaration of mankind's contempt for the natural order”.

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$A multi-panel image comparing various fleshlight designs and their corresponding levels of perceived intellect. The first row shows a basic fleshlight next to an image of a simple skull. The second row shows a toy car-shaped fleshlight next to an image of a brain with glowing nodes. The third row shows a worm-shaped fleshlight next to an image of a more detailed brain. The fourth row shows a standard fleshlight next to an image of a head with its brain exposed, shining with light rays. The fifth row shows a Hulk Hogan fleshlight next to a photo of a brain with fractal patterns. The sixth row shows a stuffed-crust pizza-themed fleshlight next to an image of a man's body glowing with energy. The last row shows a pizza and pasta-themed fleshlight next to an image of a spiritual man with energy coming out of his body and hands.$

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