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Heroin Monkey
11 months ago
A screenshot of a text conversation. The first person asks about a Miata for sale. After some questions, the first person asks "What's your lowest point?" and the second person responds with a tragic personal anecdote about his wife leaving him, misunderstanding that the first person was asking for the "lowest price."
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    11 months ago
    A cartoon drawing shows two people walking along a path near a field where several sheep are grazing. A sheep in the background is holding a sign that says 'TWO-TIMING BASTARD!'. The first person says in a speech bubble, 'I CAN'T QUITE READ THAT. WHAT'S IT SAY?' The second person responds in a speech bubble 'UH...'
  • 0
  • big [fire] balls
    11 months ago
    A platypus in a box with the text: "BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk, it's one of the few animals that can make its own custard. AS AN ADDED BONUS HER MATE CAN POISON THE CUSTARD WITH HIS OWN VENOM."
  • 0
  • big [fire] balls
    11 months ago
    A cartoon image shows a character with a long nose and a white lab coat and a sinister grin. The text above him says, "Ah Perry the Platypus, you are too late, I have already activated the Inator that makes everyone in the whole world read this in my voice."
  • 4
  • big [fire] balls
    11 months ago
    The image shows four panels, using characters from the Phineas and Ferb show. The first two panels show Perry the Platypus logging into a new device, first a smartphone, then a laptop. The third panel shows Doofenshmirtz yelling "WHO ARE YOU?!" and the last panel shows Doofenshmirtz saying "Oh good, you're back! Did you know that some hacker just tried to hack your account?"
  • 0
  • big [fire] balls
    11 months ago
    The image displays a table with three text fields, each describing a different state of Allison Eckhart. The first one describes her as an extradimensional being, the second as an agent, and the third as a comatose being. All three texts use complicated and formal language to describe Allison Eckhart.
  • 0
  • The REAL RB
    11 months ago
    The image is a screenshot of a Urban Dictionary entry for Kendrick Lamar, defining him as someone who recently won the beef with Drake. Below, a dialogue shows two friends. The first friend quotes a line from the song, seemingly unable to name an actual song, resulting in the second friend calling the first one a "fake fan".
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    11 months ago
    A Twitter post with a user asking a hypothetical question about getting their penis stuck in a ketchup bottle, followed by two replies.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    11 months ago
    The image is a three-panel comparison of Yamaha's product evolution over the years, featuring a stick figure and a factory with a Yamaha logo. In 1975, it's all golf carts and boats, with the figure saying "I guess we doin golf carts now." By 1990, it's a mix of golf carts and industrial-use unmanned helicopters, and the figure says "I hate this company." In 2007, there's one helicopter and the character is next to a Miku figure, and says "Wait is that..." with the text “SEKAI DE-” next to the figure.
  • 0
  • Sooploosh MacSchnibble
    11 months ago
    Man legally changes name to
"Big Dick" so that "these niggas
will keep my name out they
mouth"
@ju
C
He taken a selfie with a security cam?
The energy surrounding this man is mythically powerful. Truly he
is one we must fear.
  • 0
  • Sooploosh MacSchnibble
    11 months ago
    A text-based image showing a conversation. The text reads: "Remembering that time in grad school when my advisor, a great ornithologist, got a random call: drunk guy, bar noises in background: IS THIS THE BIRD PROFESSOR? my advisor: um..yes? drunk guy: DO HUMMINGBIRDS HAVE FEET? my advisor: ...yes *wild cheering over phone from bar*"
  • 0
  • Sooploosh MacSchnibble
    11 months ago
    homuratrash:
guy at disney: sir? stitch, a small logic defying blue alien from outer fucking
space, needs a heterosexual romance
disney ceo: okay....but we gotta know she's Female, do u understand?
....she needs long antennae..like long hair..mascara...smooth chest that
sticks out a little more because we need to be reminded that she still got
titties even tho she's a tiny fucking alien
guy at disney: should we make her pink, sir?
disney ceo: ricky you goddamn genius. here are my keys. go to my house
and fuck my wife
  • 0
  • Sooploosh MacSchnibble
    11 months ago
    A large, colorful beach ball, with a man standing next to it. The text below the image reads: "A fun way to ruin a weekend and blow 100 bucks. We took this ball to the beach and after close to 2 hours to pump it up, we pushed it around for about 10 fun filled minutes. That was when the wind picked it up and sent it huddling down the beach at about 40 knots. It destroyed everything in its path. Children screamed in terror at the giant inflatable monster that crushed their sand castles. Grown men were knocked down trying to save their families. The faster we chased it, the faster it rolled. It was like it was mocking us. Eventually, we had to stop running after it because its path of injury and destruction was going to cost us a fortune in legal fees. Rumor has it that it can still be seen stalking innocent families on the Florida panhandle. We lost it in South Carolina, so there is something to be said about its durability."
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    11 months ago
    Big Bird is standing looking downward. Below him text reads: "Big Bird once again kindly offers money to homeless Oscar. He knows fully well that Oscar would immediately use it to fulfill his heroin addiction, which is precisely what he wants. Enough money to help him stay addicted, but not enough to get him to quit or die. An endless cycle of suffering that keeps him throbbingly erect at night."
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    11 months ago
    The text says "Schrödinger's blowjob?" followed by a description of a hypothetical scenario. It states that while blindfolded one receives the best blowjob ever. The identity of the person is not known and it could be anyone such as Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold or even the fireman's cat. The question asked is if you would take off the blindfold to find out, or just leave it on.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    11 months ago
    A three-panel image from the movie Harry Potter. In each panel, Albus Dumbledore stands in a white space. The first panel reads, "Do not pity the dead Harry,". The second panel reads, "Pity the living.". The third panel reads, "And above all else, pity those that look at the top right corner."
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image shows a news headline that reads "Unsettling PETA Ad Features Sobbing Burger Giving Man Blow Job". Below that, there is an image of a hamburger with drawn-on crying eyes. The PETA logo is in the upper right. Underneath there's a painting of a Space Marine, who is saying "BY SLAANESH... THAT WAS A CHALLENGING WANK."
  • 0
  • The Banana Guy
    1 year ago
    A white cat with black spots is in focus, staring at the viewer. The text on the image reads: "I HATE WHEN WEBSITES ASK: "ARE YOU A HUMAN?" LIKE NO, I'M A DINOSAUR THAT FORGOT TO DIE 100 MILLION YEARS AGO"
  • 1
  • NGC 6611
    1 year ago
    A baby with a mischievous grin sits in a field, hands clasped together. Text overlay reads: "When you yell 'GREEN' during a Kahoot question knowing that the answer is actually blue."
  • 2
  • Anonymous
    1 year ago
    A news screen shows breaking news about an assassination attempt on Trump with a live chat on the side where people are commenting.
  • 3
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