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Sex

Anonymous · 2 years ago

I’m a professional 😉

A man is shown in five different panels. In the first panel, he is yelling: "WHY DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER?". The second panel shows another man, who responds: "SHE WAS LYING THERE NAKED, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!". In the third panel, the first man is yelling: "THE AUTOPSY, THE FUCKING AUTOPSY!". In the fourth panel, he is throwing a chair, and yelling: "DON'T TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB!". In the fifth panel, he is pointing and yelling: "YOU ARE THE WORST VET ON EARTH!"

Cook

The german guy · 3 years ago

yep

The image shows a two-part comparison. The top part has two white cards held by a person; the left card reads 'professional cook', the right card reads 'grandma'. Below it says 'Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture.' The bottom part of the image shows a woman who looks into the camera with a text overlay: 'everyone' and 'They're the same picture'.

Cat

Adolf kitler · 1 year ago

A two-panel image shows a cat sitting in front of a computer with the text "When your cat messages your boss..." The second panel shows a chat with a string of random characters and the message "Absolutely. Smartest thing you've ever said."

Etiquette

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A screenshot from a social media platform shows a man with light hair and a serious expression, looking over a white building with many windows, presumably in London. Below the video, a comments section is visible. It shows the location 'London' with '67.1K people added to Favorites' and '6,140 comments'. A user named Kollado asks, 'what's the etiquette of rubbing one out under the table?' The creator, William Hanson, responds, 'You ask this on almost every video. May I suggest you seek professional help??'

React

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A YouTube thumbnail. On the left, a blurred-faced person is shown with hands cupped around their face, looking shocked, against a background with lightning. On the right, there is an anime image showing a female character with long blonde hair, looking distressed or in pain. Text overlay says, "IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY ####?". Below the thumbnail, the video title reads "REAL R@PIST REACTS TO R@P# IN FICTION | PROFESSIONAL REACTS". Below the title is the channel name "Pro Reacts", followed by "203 views" and "2 months ago". The video length is 11:31.

Football

♢ Shy Dragon ♢ · 2 years ago

This is SLIGHTLY wrong

The image shows a google search result for 'Who is most popular football player?' The highlighted answer is 'Cristiano Ronaldo'. However, the image next to the text is of Lionel Messi. The text below says: "He is known for his incredible speed and scoring ability. Cristiano Ronaldo is a popular face in the world of professional football. He is a Portuguese professional footballer who is considered one of the greatest players of all time. 14. mars 2024"

Grandma

Ogga🤫🧏‍♀️ · 2 years ago

True 🤫🧏‍♀️

Two white cards are held up. One reads "professional cook," and the other reads "grandma." Below is a subtitle: "Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture." The bottom image shows a woman with the subtitle "everyone" and the sentence "They're the same picture."

Woman

Royal · 5 months ago

Four women wearing white hard hats, white long-sleeved shirts, and dark pants stand on a grassy outdoor area, intently looking at a large rolled-out blueprint they are holding. Below them, a close-up shows the blueprint they are examining. It's a detailed technical drawing for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The blueprint includes 'VIEW A: UNASSEMBLED SANDWICH' with two bread slices, one with peanut butter and the other with jelly, and 'VIEW B: ASSEMBLED SANDWICH'. There are also 'TOP VIEW' and 'SECTION A-A' diagrams, along with specific instructions in the 'NOTES' section, such as 'ALL MATERIALS TO BE CONSUMED', 'PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY TO BE APPLIED LIBERALLY', and 'CRUST OPTIONAL. REMOVE CRUST AFTER ASSEMBLY FOR OPTIMUM PERFORMANCE'. The drawing is titled 'SANDWICH, PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY'.

Suicide attempt

happy birthday · 3 years ago

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

Professional jokes