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Bathroom

92 views · United Kingdom UK · 5 months ago

Text on a gradient background from white to orange at the bottom reads, "how it feels to turn on the bathroom light when u need to pee at night 🥀💔🎃". Below the text are three emojis: a wilted rose, a broken heart, and a jack-o'-lantern.

Hand

283 views · Shitpost master-general · 5 months ago

A four-panel comic strip. In the first panel, a pink-shirted man tells a blue-hoodie man, "Oh, I don't shake hands. I'm a germaphobe." In the second panel, the pink-shirted man asks, "How 'bout a fist-bump!" as they perform a fist-bump. In the third panel, a green-shirted man approaches the blue-hoodie man, who is walking away, and asks, "Dude! Was that anal-fisting-porn-star legend, Johnny Shit-Knuckles?!" The pink-shirted man looks on in surprise. In the fourth panel, the pink-shirted man has a look of extreme horror and disgust, realizing who he just fist-bumped.

Chili Pepper

58 views · Willy b · 5 months ago

A white image with black text at the top asking, "How do you measure how heavy a red hot chili pepper is?" Below it, the answer reads, "Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now." The bottom half of the image features a close-up photo of several bright red chili peppers hanging from a vibrant green plant, surrounded by lush leaves.

Man

88 views · Heroin Monkey · 5 months ago

A black and white image features Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in a dark, textured suit, looking directly forward with a serious expression. Overlayed text in yellow reads "HOW TO BECOME A TOP 1% MAN", followed by a bulleted list of absurd advice in white, pink, and green. The list includes: "ONLY P*RN", "10L WATER", "WORKOUT (NO BREAKS) - 3X ARM DAY - 2X LEG DAY - 4X BUTTHOLE DAY", "READ BOOKS", "READ BOOKS AGAIN", "ASSEMBLE UNCLES", "300X DAIRY INTAKE", "12 HOURS GRINDING", "ABSORB DETROIT". A small username "@entopranure" is visible at the top.

Family

20 views · Shit-post master general · 5 months ago

It’s so cold make it stop

A cartoon image of Squidward Tentacles from Spongebob Squarepants lying in bed, wide awake with a distressed, almost horrified expression, not peacefully sleeping. A small teddy bear is tucked in next to him. The text overlaid on the image reads: "How I sleep at night after killing the evil skin walkers who kept pretending to be my family:"

Injury

38 views · Heroin Monkey · 6 months ago

An advertisement for injury law is displayed inside a subway car. The ad features a smiling man in a suit on the left and a slogan that reads "IT'S AMAZING HOW A BIG FAT C CK CAN EASE THE PAIN." A vertical metal pole partially obscures the word "CHECK", making it appear as a vulgar word. Below the main text, a phone number "800 PAIN-LAW" is visible. On the subway doors below the ad, there are signs that say "Do not hold doors". A person's head is partially visible at the bottom right corner.

Lightsaber

45 views · Heroin Monkey · 6 months ago

Diet

38 views · Heroin Monkey · 6 months ago

A tweet from user @papiko_114514 on a dark background. The tweet reads: "It's unfair how easy it is for men to diet 😡😡. Masturbate ↓ About 2g of semen come out ↓ Masturbate 500 times per day ↓ Lose 1kg. Wouldn't you lose 10kg if you'd continue this for 10 days??? 😡😡". Below the tweet, it says "3:55 PM · 2019/02/13 · Twitter for iPhone".

Doctor

41 views · Anonymous · 6 months ago

A WhatsApp chat screenshot. On the right, a message from 'Doctor' says 'Hi Doctor' at 4:25 AM. On the left, a user replies 'Hi' at 4:25 AM. The user then sends an image of an illegible black scribble on a light background and asks 'how to read this?' at 4:26 AM. The doctor replies 'It's paracetamol' at 4:26 AM. The user then sends a second image, also an illegible black scribble, and asks 'how about this?' at 4:26 AM. The doctor replies 'amoxicillin... 3x a day' at 4:27 AM.

Player

37 views · Heroin Monkey · 6 months ago

A meme featuring an annoyed-looking, anthropomorphic caterpillar with large blue eyes and a cigarette hanging from its mouth, exhaling smoke. It is perched on a branch. Above the caterpillar, white text on a black background reads: "How Mario Kart Players look at you when you press the Gas button to drive instead of using the Japanese shiddle flick glitch that gives you a 0.2 second headstart."

Teacher

26 views · Heroin Monkey · 7 months ago

A surreal, cosmic landscape featuring a large, pale, ram-like creature with long horns, tiny wings, and an exceptionally long, pink tongue. The tongue wraps around a small Earth resting on a reddish, volcanic ground with glowing magma pockets. In the background, two dark celestial bodies resembling moons with human faces appear. The text overlaid on the image reads, "how it feels to see your teacher outside of school."

Online comment

57 views · RapBoat · 7 months ago

A screenshot of a dark-themed YouTube comment section. The main content is a lengthy comment from a user named "IvanLubin" which starts with "IQ?" and discusses the high IQ supposedly needed to understand Playboi Carti's music, referencing theoretical physics, nihilism, and Russian literature. It calls those who dislike Carti "idiots." The comment then shifts to praising Kanye West's album "DONDA" as a "cultural reset," followed by a comparison of choosing "Dinner with Jay Z" over $500,000 for financial success. The comment abruptly ends with a bizarre, explicit, and disturbing fantasy about wanting to have a baby with "Travis," describing the birth process in graphic detail. A red circle highlights the last few lines of the comment, which detail the desire to have a baby.

American

40 views · United Kingdom UK · 8 months ago

A young man with glasses and short brown hair is sitting in front of a red, smoky background, making a smug or slightly smirking face. He is wearing a dark polo shirt and has his hands on a chessboard with pieces arranged. The text above him reads: 'how Americans feel after correcting a Balkan guy who learned English as his 17th language'.

Identity

14 views · The RĒAL RB · 8 months ago

Proof that Heroin Monkey is OPAL

A screenshot of an online chat conversation. Multiple users are present: IndieRockBoat, RapBoat, Opal, Cosmo the Intern, and Heroin Monkey. The conversation shows IndieRockBoat repeatedly asking "Any of you listen to indie rock?" and then stating "sorry I live in McDonald's my internet is bad." RapBoat then comments, "That's how I know it's Heroin Monkey, he ALWAYS does that." Opal then insults RapBoat with crude language, which RapBoat then repeats back, seemingly as if impersonating Opal, and adds further crude remarks. The critical exchange occurs at the end: RapBoat asks, "You want me to pull an AG???" Heroin Monkey replies, "yes." Immediately after, RapBoat types, "Heroin Monkey yes." Below this, a final line states, "Bro forgot to switch alts."

Porn

172 views · Heroin Monkey · 9 months ago

Movie

33 views · Heroin Monkey · 9 months ago

A close-up photo of actor Don Cheadle, wearing glasses and a dark shirt, looking straight ahead with a serious, almost judgmental expression. Overlayed text reads: "how film majors will look at you when you tell them your favorite movie is fast and furious instead of a 1932 french film about the life of a blade of grass that can only be found in a saudi arabian pawn shop and the british vaults".

Regret

16 views · Heroin Monkey · 9 months ago

An image displaying a tweet from "Liberal Hegemony Enjoyer" showing a diagram of a World War II era bomber plane. The plane is covered in numerous red dots, indicating bullet holes in areas like the wings, fuselage, and tail, but not critical areas like the engine or cockpit. Below this, there is another tweet from "John Rich" which reads: "I have yet to meet someone who regrets being unvaccinated. How about you?"

Dhar mann

16 views · Anonymous · 9 months ago

When did Dhar mann joined organization 13???

A YouTube screenshot. The top half shows a video thumbnail titled "BULLIED NERD NEW MAKEOVER SHOCKS SCHOOL" featuring a young man with glasses, a bow tie, and red blotches on his face. Below the title, the creator "Dhar Mann" is visible. The bottom half displays the video's description, specifically a cast list. Listed are character roles and their actors, such as "Noah - Jimmy Pierce" and "Friend 4 - Casey Roxas". Overlaid on the bottom right of the screenshot is an image of the character Roxas from the Kingdom Hearts video game series, wearing a black coat and holding two Keyblades. An arrow points from Roxas to the text "Friend 4 - Casey Roxas" in the cast list.

Chat

30 views · Heroin Monkey · 9 months ago

Question

11 views · Heroin Monkey · 9 months ago

A close-up selfie of an older man with glasses and a beard, looking directly at the camera with a serious or confused expression. Above his head, a white text box from a social media 'Questions' feature asks, 'Do you know how to twerk?'

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