Measuring Device jokes

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.