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There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

Today was like every other day. It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary. I fear these feelings will never end. I’ll always feel so dark, feel so hopeless. Sometimes all I want is for it to end. For all of it to end, for all of my thoughts to end. I despise the way that always comes to mind. But I feel so lost, feel so hopeless. If something would just work. But nothing has worked. Nothing can fix this. These feelings will pass. These days won't feel so endless... or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope... and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they'll help... they'll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue... Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It'll make this better. It should make me feel better.

Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green! I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!

Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!

Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."

  • 1

    • Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.

    Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

    Class: A cow says mo mo.

    Teacher: Good.

    Teacher: What does a sheep make?

    Class: A sheep says maa maaa.

    Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?

    Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."

    What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

    They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.

  • 5

    • My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.

    So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

    The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.

    5 knock knock jokes from best to corny.

    1. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little help getting in the door.

    2. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Scold. Scold who? Scold outside, let me in!

    3. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mikey. Mikey who? Mikey isn't working, can you let me in?

    4. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Says. Says who? Says me, that's who!

    5. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are, asking all these questions?

    Hey amazing people! The Prankster is back! This prank was on my sister and her friends. (tbh I did not think she had friends.)

    I set out some snacks for them! Btw (I can't be trusted).

    I gathered some "slapies."

    The things I gathered were tomatoes, onions, milk, carrots, ice cream, and some dried-out green beans! All that stuff!

    I need the tomatoes to make a sauce because I am going to put that with the ice cream, mix that up with the milk, yea yea it might look like a gross and nasty dish...WRONG!!!! I am going to make it into a little snack...anyway we make that into a snack for her and her friends. The onions are used to make their eyes cry and burn but I will give them a towel after that. The dried-out green beans are just to make them go over the top and overreact because I did not cook them. After that, we make it like it's not so icky!

    I feed it to them!

    They overreacted!

    Please leave a comment.

    Bye!

    If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

    They're trained for that.

    Hey guys, the prank for today is when I lied about feeling sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.

    Introduction: This prank was committed a week ago! Around 5:00 a.m. in the morning!

    1. I got out some eggs, milk, salt, and a little bit of mashed olives... well those are the main ingredients.

    2. I mixed it all up for about 2 mins just to make it look really like barf...no going to school today!

    3. I put it under the sofa just to give it some solid scent to it.

    4. I fixed my breakfast eggs and bacon. Then when my mom comes down I...PULL OUT MY FAKE BARF!!!!! News flash make a fake excuse for her to leave! My excuse is "I need something its in my room I don't want to get cause it would waste time".

    She fell for it. Then I pull out my FAKE barf which looks like real barf. Then you say or I said "Mom I don't feel so good"! News flash: Don't over sell it think about all that boring school work! and guess what she fell for it so I spend all day doing nothing...absolutely nothing!

    Well that's the prank. Anymore pranks you want ask me in the comment section! Byeeeeeeeeeee

    Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!

    When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!

    Later!

    And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?

    Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?

    Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?

    Friend 1: Nope, guess again!

    Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...

    Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D