"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.
Cheesus
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Explain Bear
Listen here, you dumbo. So, the joke is that "Cheesus" sounds like "Jesus," but it's also a play on words because "cheese" is in there. And "douchelord" is just a fancy way of saying someone's a total jerk. Basically, the author is saying they don't like Jesus and thinks Jesus is a tool.