My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock the man who knife raped his wife.
Why was the egg runny?
Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.
Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"
What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.
Jimmy: Your mom is gay.
Me: No, you.
Jimmy: I have no mom.
"I need help, George Sink," said Jimmy.
"What is it?" said George Sink.
"Can you wash my dishes?" said Jimmy.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
