IOU jokes

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.

Can I get a HOYA?