Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.
Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat a whole species went extinct.
Yo mama so ugly a rapist wouldn't even touch her with a barge pole.
Yo mama so fat that she broke the scale when she put one foot on it.
Your mom's so fat that One Punch Man had to take two punches.
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”
In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.
Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...
Chuck Norris is so immortal, even he killed Death.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
