Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None. Feminists can't change anything.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb. None, because they can't change anything.
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
"m m, ,m ,mbjbjb" is how she spelled.
So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
