Howe jokes
How did the skeleton know it was about to rain?
"Because he felt it in his bones?"
No,
He read the weather app, you idiot.
How many Africans does it take to change a light?
A water bottle.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the ground.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How? She could not run away.
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
A man takes a boy into the woods.
Boy says:
"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."
The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.