Howe jokes

Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.

I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"

I got 39,300,000 matches.

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

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    • Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.

    How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?

    By the rings around it.

    How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.