My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
HI Jokes
How did Steven Hawking die? His WiFi disconnected.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Question: Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Answer: Tequila
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
Stephen Hawking died because he did a wheelie and unplugged his charger.
The reason Stephen Hawking died was because his ethernet cable disconnected.
One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.
What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"
He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"
What did the boyfriend say to his girlfriend?
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
