HI jokes
So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.
One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"
He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"
Q: Why did the chip run away?
A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi. Did sskskss sis askance ddodks sjissmsnsiam a sksddkddd mc?
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.
I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."
His boss gave him some projects to work on, but he failed at it.
His boss told him: "You suck."
And he started sucking his boss, after he was done.
His boss told him: "You suck for life!"
XD
What does Drake call his rake?
Da-Rake.
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
Connor: Hi Mom.
Mom:
Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?
His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.
The DNA told the tailor he couldn't find his genes.
The DNA told the tailor that he couldn't find his genes.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.