A guy told a beautiful girl "hey I want to make love to you if I throw 2000$ when you go to pick it up that's when I'll go is that okay?" She called her husband and he said "okay but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down" Four hours later she shows up to her house and tell her husband "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS"
Bill Clinton is no longer playing the saxophone.
He is now playing the whore-monica.
Why did the rapper become a beekeeper?
Because he wanted to make some HONEY FLOWS.
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he loved to drop HOT DISHES.
Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?
Because he was good with bars and beats.
Why was the rapper always cold?
Because he kept spitting ice!
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
For when he made it RAIN in the club.
Why did the ghost become a rapper?
Because he had some UNEARTHLY flow!
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the bars were high.
if you give a man a plane ticket he will fly for a couple of hours but if youu push a man out of a plane he will fly for the rest of his live :)
If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
Why was Wacko Jacko willing to write a song for the film Free Willy?
He thought that the film's title was a nice phrase to yell out in primary school playgrounds.
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
What's the difference between a Palestinian and a redneck?
At least the redneck was drunk when he married his cousin.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back
