What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?
Aaron.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
A Nacho has a problem going on, and the Taco says to the Nacho, "Wanna taco 'bout it?"
And the Nacho says to the Taco, "It's nacho problem!"
Life as an elevator has its ups and downs.
What is blue, green, flat, and has teeth?
The Earth, but I lied about the teeth.
Have you ever walked into stephen Hawkings house. Yea neither has he
6:30 has to be the best time, hands down.
What do you call a mammal that has no hair?
Cancer.
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
The Smithsonian has 3 notable articles of clothing on display: Mr. Rodger's sweater, Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt, and Stephen Hawking's drool rag.
What has 5 legs, 3 arms and 7 feet? The finish line at the marathon bombing.
What's long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cuCUMber.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
