HA jokes
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.
What's the difference between Spongebob and a feminist?
A feminist has hair.
What's the difference between a feminist and Kim Jong Un?
Kim Jong Un has rights.
What do you call someone that is Mexican that has a BMW?
A big Mexican woman.
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
Yo mama's ass is so fat it has its own congressman.
What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?
A skele-TON!
How do you close a cabinet?
You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
What has 5 legs, 3 arms, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!
What has 6 legs, 10 arms, and 3 heads?
The Boston marathon finish line.