HA jokes
If I busted an egg on your head.... the yolk would be on you... ha ha ha!!!
Why did Sally's pizza get cold? Because she has no arms.
What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?
"Will you listen now?!??"
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
Canada has free health care, here is a link to some Canada Facts! https://www.1stcontact.com/blog/20-interesting-facts-about-canada
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.
She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
What do you call a fish that has a dick?
Moby Dickkkkk!
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.
Kasper has a tiny penis.
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.