Grade jokes
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don't get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!"
You smell like you farted hard. A, B, Honor Roll, all F’s, you retarded!
You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.
I'll give you an A because you're awesome.
B because you're beautiful.
A C because you're caring.
And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.
Why did the boy study for his math test in a tree?
'Cause he wanted higher grades.
An orphan was in 1st grade, and its teacher said to spell "parrot." The boy spelled "Parents."
There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.
There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.
Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?
Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.
What do birds use to check their grades?
Air-ies...
If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
Why do cheetahs never get an A+ on a test? They always cheetah!
What did the fish get on his math test?
A sea plus.
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.
Student: Why does everyone hate me?
Another student: Because U got the A last night.
Me: Hi Jaiden.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.
Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*
Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.
FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!
Sean's hairline recedes faster than my grades.
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
All school meeting introductions:
Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”
Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”
High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”