My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
God's Will Jokes
God is fake.
I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."
What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?
A god.
Me playing a game...
What did God just stop? Are hearts cause we didn't kill each other.
Like if that was good.
What's the difference between my imaginary friend and God?
None.
They're both imaginary.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
God made Adam and Eve.
Satan made Adam and Steve.
Why did God make the devils die?
God is great!
[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”
Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”
God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”
What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?
654-721-8940
(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)
What is God’s favorite candy?
Jesus Pieces.
Why did Technoblade die?
Because God wished him dead for all the orphans he made fun of.
You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?
Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?
You: Uhhhhhhh
Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.
You: Thank God.
Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...
You: *faints*
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
What is God's favorite planet?
Saturn because it has a ring around it.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...
Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"
Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
