God's Will jokes
Me playing a game........ What, did God just stop our hearts because he didn't kill everybody?
What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?
A god.
Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?
Computers don’t really have a specific religion.
God is fake.
I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."
Memes
What's the difference between my imaginary friend and God?
None.
They're both imaginary.
Me playing a game...
What did God just stop? Are hearts cause we didn't kill each other.
Like if that was good.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
God made Adam and Eve.
Satan made Adam and Steve.
Why did God make the devils die?
God is great!
[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”
Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”
God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?
Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?
You: Uhhhhhhh
Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.
You: Thank God.
Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...
You: *faints*
What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?
654-721-8940
(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)
Why did Technoblade die?
Because God wished him dead for all the orphans he made fun of.
What is God’s favorite candy?
Jesus Pieces.
What is God's favorite planet?
Saturn because it has a ring around it.
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."