Free Jokes

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"

"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."

The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"

"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."

Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”

What is Donald Trump's favorite game?

Fortnite. Because he can build walls for free.

In my free time, I like to help blind people.

Verb, not adjective.

My Cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my Cat is a Democrat!

Life is a or like a penis. Long, free, flowimg, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard.😉

whats a convict's favorite song

I want to break free

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar..." The bartender says " Just stop and take your fucking drink

I ask my sister why does the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time. My siister said to me I love him long time.

Im in the alagba association call 666-666-666 to join the gan its free and free kills duidui

A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"

Free blacks in the Civil War is the same as me drawing a reverse card in Uno.

What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler

What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer

What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies

So a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: is this free?

Then the worker said: nope, cause I’m on sale!

Three nuns up to Mother Teresa and say Mother Teresa we would not like to be eaten anymore Mother Teresa says okay but first you have to do something Unholy so they a leave and come back 3 days later the first one the first one says Mother Teresa I did something Unholy I took a little kids bike Mother Teresa says okay who drink from the holy water and you are free to go II unlocks upset I did it something worse than her I slept with a married man the last nun walks up and says I did something worse than all of them Mother Teresa says oh god oh gosh are there in the third nut and says I peed in the holy water

Free will is like having a vagina you don't need to know how to use it and you don't need to know what it does but what matters is that you have it.

Hey guys! It's Triple G you can give me more ideas on jokes, mainly Fish and Sea jokes as those are the jokes I specialise and only do best on the comment section below. Please do feel free to thumbs down and comment on improvements as well as thumbsing up and saying what you liked! :)

Au revouir, GGG

He tried to install a free version of windows 10

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"