First Jokes

A couple is on their first date. Man: How do you feel about sex? Woman: I like it infrequently. Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?

My son wore his new 'Go Vegan' Hoodie for the first time today and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked & spat on!!!! And he's not even left the house yet!!!

Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys

i got fired from the libary in the first 30 minutes because i womens rights in the sifi fiction section

Why did the woman cross the road?

What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?

Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them. The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach

Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler

What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in your dirty laundry.

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch

I just cut every one

Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

The first time you have a new phone you have a different one you can change your phone to a new phone but it doesn’t change the phone 📱 it’s just different I think it will work I just think it would look good 👍 and then it would work but you don’t know if it’s the right thing for the new one you just know it’s the wrong 😑 it’s a bad phone 📱 it’s a new thing it’s the same for different every day but it doesn’t look 👀 and I think 🤔 so it’s not a good 👍 but it works so it’s different so it’s different for the new phone 📱 and it doesn’t have to work on it doesn’t matter to the same for you know it’s just the one ☝️ but it doesn’t have the one that I can do a lot better and I can just use my new one ☝️ but it is not that the new iPhone 📱 so you have the one that’s the other is that I have the same thing and it’s the same phone 📱 but I have to get the new iPhone 📱 I just want it and then you have a good 😊 and it’s a different number so it’s just like 👍 so it’s just one ☝️ but you know it’s not like 👍 I have the new iPhone 📲 so you know it’s just one ☝️ so it’s a little more than just the one ☝️ and it will get the new phone 📞 so it’s just easier and cheaper for the money 💴 but it won’t cost 💲 much more to pay 💰 off your car 🚘 than to get the phone 📱 for the next two weeks weeks or even two years to to have the car car 🚘🚘 fixed so it’s easier and quicker and I will be happy 😆 I’m happy happy 😊 I’m so excited excited 😊 thank y all and I will talk soon 🔜 and have you have an update as to the results soon 🔜 thank ya again so far hope all goes all are good 😌 hope to be in your class today love ❤️ and have you been in your dreams hope all your day too bye ✌️

The old cookoo master on the top of Mt. Qinshan told me this when I was eating sushi

“The first bite tastes like heaven, the second takes you there.”

😳