Existence Jokes

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Does anyone else just want to die, or is it just me?

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!

Why do heterosexual men and heterosexual women believe that bisexual men don't exist because male bisexuality doesn't exist? Because it doesn't cycle 🚲.

Why do gay men and lesbians believe that bisexual men don't exist because there is no such thing as male bisexuality?

Because it doesn't cycle 🚲.

Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...

Your forehead is like my dad.

Non-existent.

bully: "Your life's a joke."

me: "My life's not a joke, jokes have meaning."

I took a sip of water.

Stephen Hawking said there is no god.

God said there is no Stephen Hawking.

What did one ghost say to the other?

"Get a life!"

Sad life goes, joke mom.

Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.

I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.

Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!

Person: WTF!

Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday.

Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.

Person 1: How smart are you?

Person 2: Really smart.

Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?

Person 2: 1 ghost is left.

Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!