Existence jokes
Don't hate life, love it because when you want to live and try again in life, it's already too late. :(
What's the difference between a knife and my life?
A knife has a point.
My fucking life, cya.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
Hi, my name isn't Pi.
Look up at the sky and wonder why.
Why are you alive?
I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
(Just a joke, no offense.)
You have an entire life being an idiot, why not take a day off?
What's the cruelest joke?
Life.
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Moas didn't even know that existed!
Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?
Dad: Alive.
Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).
Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.
Mother: Alive...
Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.
What do you (anyone) and a joke not have in common?
Jokes have meanings.
Humanity.
Your PP is small, just like my will to live.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Does anyone else just want to die, or is it just me?
Life is like a penis.
Women make it hard.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!