What’s the difference between 911 and a abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
Breaking News! a plane crashes into a bridge
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need. Grenades, guns, ammo unless it was bolted down it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude. When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?", he asks. "Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Q:What is red white and blue and fun to watch? A: a cop car rolling over after tryong to catch for speeding
Don’t worry if you have a stroke
You’ll be all right
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
Titanic was sinking.
Passenger: "How far are we from land?"
Captain: "Two miles."
Passenger: "Which direction?"
Captain: "Down."
Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said "it's time to go sweetie" but before we could go someone said "stop them they have my daughter!"
my sister reminds me of 911 one moan of OMG got everyone's attention.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
a women wakes up in a hospital after a accident and yells "doctor doctor i cant feel my legs" and the doctor say "i know i amputated your arms"
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
Me: Mom i think i need to go to the hospital ......Mom: OMG Why son ......Me: Idk whats wrong but everytime i close my eyes i can see
.....Think about it then spread LMAO
A woman ran into a police station screeming "help i have bin graped" the policeman said "do you mean raped" the woman said "no the was a bunch of then".
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital, apparently the doctor said to the nurse you can discharge Mr Hawking now, so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Who does Adolph Hitler call in a emergency? Nein-Nein-Nein
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first. The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his shits already packed.
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
