DoS jokes
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
What do you call an owl that does magic?
Hooodini.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
Three gay guys walk into a bar.
There is only one stool left, what do they do?
They flip the stool over.
What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.
What do you call a gay cactus?
A "prick."
What do stomata use to fill their pools?
Chlor-ine.
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
What do you call a clock on a belt?
A waist of time.
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
In Antarctica, there are ice dicks for ladies to hop onto.
Little do they know I've been waiting for this moment.
Check out my YouTube Channel! (Gamer Zacoo01).
What do you say to Stephen Hawking when he dies?
"Rust in pieces!"
What do you call a girl that likes reading? Page.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
What do you call a Black person flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist!
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!