DoS jokes
Why do toy bears have small eyes? Because they were made in China.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
Do you want a book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
So my brother said we should start a band, and I said I already had a band. So I gave him my band and he said he was talking about music, and I said, "Well, I do have a trum-bone ;)"
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
What do cows eat for breakfast?? Steer cereal.
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
What do you call a fish that has a dick?
Moby Dickkkkk!
What do you call a gay person in Antarctica?
Bi-Polar.
Do you wanna know the best thing about 28 year olds?
There are 20 8 year olds.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotofpuss.
Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
What do you call a whiteboard that is dirty?
A dirty whiteboard.