What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
What do you call a person with an "a" in their autism?
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
What do you call a gay cow? A gay cow.
Kid starts shooting people in school, teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"
"Baking a cake."
The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.
"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do retarded cops give tickets for?
Going over 45 in a potato zone.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.
How do you cook macaroni? With a shark-spoon-a-rooni!
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?
Dead mooves.
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
