DoS jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheeles.
Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.
My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."
A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
How do you make a handkerchief dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!
UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!
Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!
Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."
Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull dozer.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
What hood do zombies come from?
Dead Ends.