Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.
She responded with a list:
- Take out the trash.
- Clean your room.
- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.
That’s all sweetie!
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
Why do animals hate playing card games with foxes?-They’re a bunch of cheetahs
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
What do orphans need in order to mail letters?
Food stamps.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
This guy is boiling water the girl walks in and says “What are you doing” the guy says “I’m making Holy Water” She said “How?” He said “I’m boiling the hell out of it”
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"
What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?
Anarexic.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
What do you call a Lesbian Dinosaur? A Doyoulickalotapuss
A letter to all Math; Dear Math, Grow up an solve your own problems! 2x6= DO IT YOURSELF!!!!
How do you plan a party in outer space?
You planet.
What do you call a bad pun?
The pun is not punny!
