DoS jokes
Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?
A: You koalagize to it.
Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).
The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).
The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)
The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)
The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!
The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)
The teen: QUAL (WHICH).
The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).
The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).
*A phone buzzes.*
The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?
Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?
*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*
The teen: HAIR GEL
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the only contraction they know.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
What do you call a 18+ animal jam?
Play Wild!
You take four, then you put a "n" at the end, then you take the "u" out, then you replace the "f" with a "p". What do you get?
What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...
What do you call a male ladybug?
Trans.
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.
It’s a job I can see myself doing.
Where do cows go on a holiday? Moo-Zealand! 😜
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.
What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
The cops had to comb the area.