DoS jokes
What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
When do you take a cow to the movies?
On a mooo-vie!
When do astronauts eat lunch?
At launch time.
What do you call a ride that drops 180 degrees?
Cold as hell.
Do you want to hear a paper joke?
Never mind, it is tearable.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He blew a fuse doing an update.
What do you call your mom when she goes into the shower?
A shower ma! (shawarma)
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
What music do Astronauts listen to?
Nep-tunes.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
What do you call a fish with a temper?
Undyne.
Joke: What do you call a gay alligator detective?
Answer: An Investigator
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
Why do people have sex? Because they're dumb.
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."