DoS jokes
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
How do you know an abo robbed your house?
The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.
Why do Orphans like school?
Because they don't have a home to go back to afterwards.
How do you spell ihop?
Then spell ihop and say "ness".
Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.
What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.
What do you call a body without a nose?
Nobody knows.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].
Me: So tell me about it then.
My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.
Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.
Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.
My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.
Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.
Me: My bad again. Do continue.
My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.
Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?
My cousin: By the game.
Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]
What do you name a family reunion of an orphan?
"Me time."
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
How do you f**k a duck?
Usually duck a f**k.
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
What do you call a bottle of water flying over Africa?
A UFO.
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
Why does an orphan start with an "O"?
Because they only see their parents in their dream.