Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.
DoS Jokes
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."
Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"
What do gay people call fighting? It can't be beef, so...
Carrots?
What do you call an idiot who needs to get a life?
The Stigg.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Why do Imagine Dragons dream about mythical creatures?
Because they're believers.
How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?
Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
Why do orphans want to be gay?
So they have someone to call "Daddy."
Why do people think about handsome boys at night?
Because they're dreamy!
What did the creep do when the woman said, āMake yourself at home?ā
He hid in her attic.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Dad: Johnny! Johnny!
Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Dad: Did you hit your brother?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Telling lies?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Let me see your fist.
Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!
Dad: What is so funny?
Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!
Dad: >:(
Little Johnny: What? It's true!
Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!
Dad: Love you too, son.
What do you call an orphan's family photo?
A selfie.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, itās alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently itās "harassment!"
How was the slice of cheese š§ doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
