New DoS Jokes - Page 79 - Worst Jokes Ever

I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"

What do you call a girl with no legs?

Unshakeable.

SMG4 Mario be like in Ohio: I don’t wanna do this...

Candice everyone: Candice?

Mario: CAN DEEZ NUTS FIT IN YOUR MOUTH!

What do cheetahs like?

Sports!

What do you call an Indian with a wooden leg? Shit on a stick.

What do you call an Indian with two wooden legs? A waste of lumber.

What do you call a midget born from precum?

"Half Nut!"

What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador.

What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.

How do Taliban parents feed their babies?

"Here comes the plane... weeee, BOOM! 💥"

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.

1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

"You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.

"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.

1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

"No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.

"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.

What do you call a blind German?

A nat-zee.

I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)

What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?

Icy dead people.

Lynx Africa is based on a nice smell. Do you think Lynx England would smell like Stella and disappointment?

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?