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I am the one, don't weigh a ton Don't need a gun to get respect up on the street (okay) Under the sun, the bastard son Will pop the Glock to feed himself and family (sheesh) By any means, your enemies my enemies We wet them up like a canteen (damn) The yellow tape surrounds the fate Don't have a face so now you late, open the gates

Great, eliminate like ElimiDate (woo) Hey, young boy had to penetrate (ooh) Face, you… Read more

This is completely a waist of time, but worth it at the same time.

*Dad's sitting on the couch reading news paper when wife walks in*

Husband: "This music.. Is the final boss coming? Or worse.. It's my wife..."

Wife: "You jobless monkey... Money to pay bills doesn't grow on tree's"

Husband: "Well it's no my fault.. And I was born poor *Over it* If I was son of Bill Gates I'd bathe in money.."

Wife: "First go bat… Read more

To atheist people like me if a Christian asks “why don’t you think god is real?” Just reply why do you not think gods in other religions are real

If you got cut this season, I would not the fuck be mad, dude. Real shit, man. I'm sorry dude. I-I-I, I, I, I don't want no racist mothafuckas up on my football team, I'm sorry, that's just me, though. I'll catch you guys later, and you guys have a good one.

I know you came out and you made a- a e- a- you came out and you made an apology, but fuck you and yo goddamn apology, okay? Fuck dat shit. I understand you was drunk and you was drinkin' and stuff, you know what I'm sayin', and who knows, you just might actually be, might just actually be, y'know, on some real shit, be sorry for actually using it, you might actually be sincere, but how the fuck am I supposed to know that? How the fuck are the fans around the city of Philly supposed to know that? We don't!

I look like, dude- I FEEL like a DUMBASS! Real shit, okay, now, I still think you a beast upon the football field. As far as- me... liking you as a person, fuck you, dawg, okay? Can’t stand yo fuckin’ ass, dawg. Can’t stand you now, man! Y’know, and my whole thing is this, dawg, you fuckin’ up big time man, you over here-

Alright, so it’s a good thing I didn’t buy yo fuckin’ Jersey. Riley Cooper on some real shit. I was really gonna buy yo Jersey, I had my eyes set on it, man. I always thought of you bein’ a low-key fuckin’ beast, okay, fuckin’ monster, fuckin’ hog, fuckin’ ball out of control, okay? But as you guys know man Riley Cooper, he came out and used the word [EXPUNGED], okay? Now, I understand that he was drunk at a fuckin’ … Read more

Soooo I'm gonna sum up what I did in this year (2045). First off, I tied up ZEPHYR and fucked his hoe shay after drugging her. She died in a crash on her way home. Then I tortured ZEPHYR and forced him to tell me all his jokes and I used his jokes to get some real ass bitches. I also got rich off of my jokes and bought this website and renamed it into BESTJOKESEVER. Now all of the jokes on BESTJOKESEVER.COM must be top tier or I will personally come to your house and beat the shit out of you.

I had a dream I went out I overdosed on my doubt Yeah, it was real, it was strange Had nothing but doubt in my veins I could feel all of the pain Like when I'm awake that don't change But it didn't seem to be bad It kind of felt good not being sad And when I wake up in the morning I'll just keep on with ignoring Everyday feel less important Yeah, things feel better when I'm dreamin' I can leave things without leavin'… Read more

I kept geting logged out of my account but im the real stig why are people trying to copy me the german stig was me btw but no other one

I mistakenly sexted my wife’s sister A couple years ago I was on a business trip and missing my wife. I decided to take a suggestive picture (me in my boxer briefs, clearly with a bulge and just the tip sticking out the top) and send it to my wife. We don’t usually sext but I figured she’d appreciate knowing I was thinking of her.

It was late, I was tired, and barely paying attention. I accidentally sent it to her s… Read more