Commission jokes

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.

The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.

"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.

"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

Join my beta communication community committee commission Cumbria, please guys and girls and gurls. It's all inclusive b&b.

A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.

The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

What do a politician and a minister have in common?

Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.