I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
Where do babies get baptized? So the priest can wash their sex toys
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
The only reason why Murrikkkunts think Canada isn't free is because incest is illegal in Canada, in which one can face a sentence as long as 14 years in prison if convicted.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!
