What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
Why can orphans type... because they can’t find home row
What's the difference between an aborted fetus and an upside-down bar stool?
An upside-down bar stool can only pleasure 4 men.
People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
A mom says to her son: "Hey can you wave to that deaf kid over there" The son: "I don't know, can I?" The mom: "May you?" The son: "No I don't have any arms!"
So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.
They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."
Suicide gives you security for the future.
Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.
What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Together we can stop this shit."
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
Here in IHOP, we serve pancakes, not pie cakes. If so, we can always bring in a chart that will power the customer. His smile will remain at its current form, and police surely resisted when I said the word "surely."
