Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay people can play Star Wars.
Canning Jokes
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
Trump can get banned. The cops can tack him to jail, and Trump go go go go bye bye for good. Trump is meing.
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
People named Aaron are annoying. Why have two A’s when you can have none? (Ron)
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.
So I stabbed him. Now we wait.
People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."
I know it's really, really, really, really bad.
Hey Gwen, next time you're online can you go to "son jokes".
I commented back to you and portory.
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
Son: Dad, can I get a girlfriend?
Dad: Son, no, you are only 10, so no.
Son: Dad, I'm leaving to get a girlfriend.
Dad: Son, nooo, you are not my son!
Son: What did you say? *Son slaps the dad.*
Dad: Good, son, goodbye, get out of my home.
Son: Good, you can go move to a new home.
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
Me: MOM, I'm tired.
Mom: Take a nap.
Me: No, I can't sleep if Dad isn't here.
Mom: *hangs picture of dad on her room wall* Well, now you can.
You’re so short, you can swing your legs when you sit on a stool.
Incest. A game the whole family can play.
