What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
Canning Jokes
So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.
Why can Michael Jackson not play chess? Because he can't pick which side he is on, the white or black side.
Hey guys, starting tomorrow, I will put one letter of the "doin your mom" song every day. Can I finish the song?
Also, I might be in Fortnite, hehehehehe.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy)
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ? A: David!
Q: If you were in a rainforest, what would be the first thing you put on? A: The radio!
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
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What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
Why can an orphan only get an iPhone X?
Because there is no home button.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."
What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?
A Brick can get laid.
