Candle jokes

When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

Lord: "My dog died?!"

Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

What do you call a candle in armor?

A knight light.

How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?

Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.

I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!

What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!