Bitter jokes

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

A nickname to call your short GF:

Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.

Black and bitter.

Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?

Just too bitter.

An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.

Do you think Mars prefers Sour Orbiters sweet?

Orbiter: "Or bitter?"

My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.

If Slade were a vegetable, he’d be a BRUSSELS SPROUT... small, bitter, and NOBODY wants him at the table.

Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.

I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.

Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.

Curry.

Happiness is like food, not everyone gets it.